"I was an everyday carer of elderly people. Bathing, cleaning, get them up and fed. Stuff like that. It was my first week on my own when I had the accident. I didn't know a guy was a "two-person" assist. I tried to stand him up, but he fell backward on me, I fell on the floor and that's all she wrote. My back was pretty messed up after that. There were 6 hairline fractures on my 5th and 6th vertebrae. They let me go, of course, I couldn't work and they thought I would sue them, so they let me go. Right outta the gate, my doctor prescribed me Fentanyl, which they normally give to cancer patients. I had never taken anything before, not even Vicodin, they should have never gone straight to Fentanyl. And of course, I got addicted.

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They just kept writing me prescriptions. Realized it was a problem in 6 months, I was running out way quicker than I should have, and I was getting withdrawal, I was scared because I thought I couldn't function without it. Eventually, they stopped writing scripts, so then I moved on to street drugs, whatever I could find, Crack, and then on to Heroin. I couldn't find doctors that would help, and street drugs were cheaper and easier to find. That's what's really sad, that it's easier and cheaper to use Heroin than to find a doctor who will help. It wasn't just my life I was messing up, it was my kids too. I was trying to do the right thing but I wasn't, I can't forgive myself for that.

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Within a few years, we were hopping around places to stay, but I eventually lost my kids to CPS. We were on state help, I couldn't work and we were getting kicked out of all the places we stayed, and then we ended up at the mission, that's when they took my kids away.

 

Eventually, I got dropped off at a rehab 7 years ago, I've been back and forth. They don't help with how to deal with your normal life once you're out. Most of the time I was using as soon as I was out. It was frustrating, so mad at myself. I realized it just wasn't gonna work and someone suggested methadone, and it was $80 a week, which was what I was spending on heroin a day. The Methadone is guaranteed and safe, and it will be there every day. I have to see a counselor, which really helps, and medical staff. They saved my life, without it and the Stand I wouldn't still be around. What scares me the most is getting off it, but my counselor doesn't think I'm ready. You don't get high from methadone, but it helps you feel normal. A lot of people think it's free drugs, but it's not, it helps you stay away from the drugs. For some people, there's no other way out, you get better or die. My counselors helped me forgive myself for a lot of what I blame myself for. That's the hardest part of being an addict, forgiving yourself and other people. I understand why some people wrote me off, I understand, they can only put up with so much until enough is enough.

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Thank God I have the Lemonade Stand because I can come here and vent to these guys, they're like my family. We're a bunch of misfits, but we are here and it works. The Stand gave me somewhere to go during the day which is really important when you're homeless. I like it here, and I like the people who come here. I don't come as much as I used to, now I have my place and my job. I'm much more of a homebody.

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It helps me stay sober, I'm here, I'm not out there chasing stuff. I'm not hanging with the wrong people. A lot of my old friends passed away, but it's frustrating that there are so many people who need just a little help and they can't get any, then they end up the way I was."

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Michelle is less active at the Stand recently, after finding work as a custodian she has had less time to spend with her community, but still comes to visit and smokes a cigarette on the porch with her friends on a weekly basis.

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The above story was put into writing by Pat ApPaul, a Welsh Documentary Photographer based in Michigan USA.